Meeting your daughter’s date can be very exciting yet, nerve racking at the same time. While you may trust her judgment in most cases, meeting a potential love interest may fall into that small category of opposition. If it does, it’s very difficult for your daughter to understand your prospective. It would be nice if she knew that your concerns, or points of view, come from a place of pure love. Nevertheless, we realize that empowerment in this area is crucial and beneficial. So below are five signs that your daughter is probably dating a narcissist, as well as five tips you can add to your arsenal that would help her better understand your concerns.
1. Excessive Self-Centeredness:
If your daughter’s partner constantly talks about themselves, their achievements, and their needs while showing little interest in your daughter’s life, it may be a sign of narcissism. Surely, your daughter’s partner wants to be impressive and ensure you that she’s in good hands, right? However, the key words are excessive and self-centered. Narcissists tend to over exaggerate most actions, literally adding more color to the canvas than what’s required to make a point. Also, since narcissists are attention seekers, they have no problem shining the spotlight on themselves, highlighting, and fabricating in most instances, their achievements. Their conversation goes on, and on without the mention of future plans with your daughter, or how her presence in his life will help them cultivate a healthy relationship.
2. Lack of Empathy:
Narcissists often struggle with empathy, so if your daughter’s partner seems indifferent or dismissive of her feelings and needs, it’s a red flag. For example, I had a friend who was dating a narcissist, and she told him that her dog ran away from home, naturally, she was devastated and needed a shoulder to lean on. However, the narcissist responded, “ I’m not really a dog person. “ Like, really? ?
3. Manipulative Behavior:
Watch for signs of manipulation, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or using emotional tactics to control your daughter. Here’s a guilt-trip example, if your daughter doesn’t answer every call her partner makes, he’d say something like, “ I called you earlier and you didn’t answer your phone, I guess you were too busy talking to your new boyfriend and ignored my calls. “
4. Superiority Complex:
Narcissists often believe they are superior to others. If your daughter’s partner regularly belittles or criticizes her or those around them, it’s concerning. The most commonly expressed form of criticism is when her partner complains about some thing she’s wearing, doing, or saying. For example, “you’re too old to be wearing that dress?” Also, other forms of criticism include, yelling or screaming at your daughter when they are trying to make a point, or express themselves, or feeling justified with this and other disrespectful comments/ behaviors.
5. Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation:
Narcissists tend to put their partners on a pedestal at first but typically devalue and discard them later. If your daughter experiences this rollercoaster in her relationship, it’s a sign of potential narcissistic behavior. An example of this behavior is love bombing. Narcissist typically over shower their new partners with compliments, communication, and gifts, if they can afford it. It’s truly a temporary ploy to reel them in under false first impressions, then shortly thereafter, all the special attention, and gifts cease completely.
5 Tips for Mothers:
1. Open Communication:
Create a safe and non-judgmental space for your daughter to talk about her relationship. Encourage her to express her feelings and concerns.
2. Educate Her:
Help your daughter understand the traits of narcissism and how they can affect a relationship. Knowledge is empowering.
3. Respect Her Autonomy:
While you may be concerned, it’s important to respect your daughter’s choices and autonomy. Pushing too hard can lead to resistance.
4. Encourage Therapy:
Suggest that your daughter consider therapy, either individually or as a couple if she’s willing. A therapist can provide guidance and support in dealing with a narcissistic partner.
5. Offer Unconditional Support:
Let your daughter know that you love her and will support her regardless of her relationship choices. Reassure her that you are there for her when she needs you, without judgment.
At the end of the day, being a mother is a lifetime commitment, and we all know too well that, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”