- A friend will be with you through thick and thin they are you a ride or die. A narcissist will pretend to be your friend and will not keep their promises, they make excuses not to help you, and they blame you for being in a difficult situation in the first place.
- A friend will listen to you and support you, they will give you a shoulder to lean on. A narcissist could care less about what you’re talking about or going through. They will minimize your concerns, and it’s just a matter of time before they throw everything you shared with them back in your face.
- A friend is considered as your safety net. They are there for you when you need help, and you can rest assured, they’ve got your back. You cannot depend on a narcissist for anything. Narcissist only help people when there is an immediate return for them or only if they benefit from helping you in some form or fashion. In other words, because narcissists are opportunists, when they put time or money into you, or the relationship, they expect a higher yield on their ROI, return on investment. In the eyes of the narcissist, the relationship is seen as a business opportunity for their benefit, it is not seen as an exclusive intimate connection.
- You can count on a friend to be delighted to give you a ride to work. If your friend asked you what happened to your car, you’re pretty confident in knowing that they are asking out of sheer concern, or to see if there’s anything they can do to help you. If you happen to catch a narcissist in a good mood, and they give you a ride to work, please believe the entire trip will consist of an interrogation about what happened to your car, why did you let that happen, what were you thinking, you need to expand your pool of friends who can assist you during these situations so you don’t keep calling me when you need help. Or, you should consider getting a bus pass, next time, call your mom, sister, or an Uber, etc. The narcissist ensures that the urgent ride you need to work, is so uncomfortable that you do not consider asking them ever again. In fact, if they are a last resort, you’d rather rent a skateboard or take the day off to avoid the condescending remarks you will hear from the time they arrive until the time they drop you off. #True story
- A friend has your best interest at heart. They will support you to become the best version of yourself. Contrary to the narcissist, they will hold you in contempt, gaslight you to the point where you don’t know which way is up or what you believe in. They will strip you of your mental and physical capabilities so you believe that you’re incapable of taking care of yourself. This gambit is designed to handicap you to depend on the narcissist so that it’s more difficult for you to think about or actually leave the relationship. We must also add that narcissists have a fear of abandonment. So if you think you have a ploy for a prison break from them, the narcissist is like, “not on my watch.”
- A friend will except you for who you are. Beyoncé’ says it best with, “Flaws and All.” a friend will not break you down to make you feel incompetent or insufficient. You are enough, and your friend knows that. In contrast, when, dealing with a narcissist, they pretend to love everything about you for a short period of time, then they try to change you. All of a sudden, they’re no longer fond of your choice in clothes, the music you listen to, or your hair style. They begin to complain and criticize about everything you do and enjoy, including your friends, job, family, etc.
I am sure we can go on and on about the differences between a friend and a narcissist. The few examples I’ve shared are some that I have personally experienced, so please feel free to share and comment below.
At the end of the day, I believe that the soul of the narcissist is in their brain. Because they are constantly pondering about various ways to manipulate, and control their companions. Unfortunately, the soul of their companion is in their heart. Because they are constantly trying to satisfy, and understand the narcissist.